Tapas class: a new way to see

I took Tapas class with the idea of guiding it and so it was entirely different from when I am simply attending a yoga class. There is a richness to what yoga is and an infinite flow of opportunities in this life!

The teachers were exquisite. Not in a sense of perfection. Rather I could feel who they were in that moment. Sometimes their class started out of tune or breaks were filled with thoughts, but each class became a song and I flowed in and out of their melodies. 
We all went together.
I listened to their hearts.
And I watch as they explained this and that… I watched and contemplated my practice, I contemplated Yoga. AndYoga… it is so much bigger than my thought. I had put it in a box and climbed on top to make myself taller. And from this one view of looking down, I have missed many essential parts. 

Becoming aware that you don’t know what you thought you did, is not a comfortable feeling. But if you know everything, how can you learn? I spend my days here in a country that is not mine, never totally sure of what is being said nor of what I am doing. But sitting in the unknown means having the courage to be with these feelings and then let it go. This is inner strength. You have the chance to stay froze or move forward and take a leap! 

I see how focusing on a small group/thing closes me from all that is outside of it. I am growing my gaze and with that, my pattern has been jumping out at me from everywhere ~ like a shadow waving at me tauntingly but I cant understand it. It’s similiar from taking Tapas class: I see what the teachers do and hear their words, but how do I understand the meaning of it? Am I searching for meaning where it doesn’t exist? Or is it that I am missing the key point? I know that I don’t know and I can’t find the questions to ask.

I stifle my desire to express myself. So, my body literally tried to throw out my emotions and I fell sick… and on the day I should have guided Tapas class. I missed a great opportunity so how to transform this misfortune into a blessing? 

Let the past go. Accept it and learn from it. 
It’s time to share more of myself. I have cold feet and often feel frozen; it’s my pattern and karma. I need to take a jump before I miss another chance and find my inner voice, my melody.
Last weekend Wonjangnim asked us how would it be if we woke up each morning and said “I am a miracle” to ourselves - this is where I have started. 

Thank you always to all my teachers 💜♥️