What I am learning about saying "I don't know" - by Talia

"Do not say 'I don't know' to me", my Teacher said. "When you say this, you are saying NO".

Have you ever experienced this thought: "No." I cannot. Then the excuse: "I don't know (how to do that)"? It could be for something simple like cooking pasta or using a new app. It happened for me during our Teachers’ training. My Teacher instructed us to roll backwards from Plough pose and press up into Downward Facing Dog. Those thoughts came up instantly as I heard her: 'I don’t know how - ’. My vertebrae suddenly felt caught and rigid as I rolled. I noticed my fear of going backwards, but I also recognized that if I completely trusted my Teacher then that fear would disappear. So my ‘I don’t know’ was exactly as she said: saying ‘no’ to her.

What is interesting is that moments before, I had let go of this same fear when bending back into 'Paripurna Ustrasana'. I just heard her voice in my head from some weeks ago: "Just watch your breath and find the stop". Just watching, my breath seemed to lengthen and my exhale ended  right as my fingers reached the ground. I had no thoughts, I simply followed her guidance.

Yet, the pattern came up again just minutes later. It will take time and it will keep repeating until I fully understand it. As much as I can, I replace ‘I don’t know’ with ‘I don’t understand fully right now, but YES' (I understand as much as I can for now and I am saying YES to you). It is not simply a belief in my Teacher, but from experiences that build trust. Just her saying this: "Do not say 'I don't know' to me, (it means) you are saying NO", I have experienced the truth of this and so trust keeps growing.